One of the most stressful parts about Violet's recent state of plague was that for the better part of a week she refused bottles and pretty much all solid food, save occasional bites of cheese and blueberries. The logical part of my brain knew that she would eventually drink and eat again, but I was still concerned about dehydration and getting her some calories, particularly because she was so limp and sad and not herself during this time.
During this period, an unexpected little miracle arrived in the mail: samples from Plum Organics. I have known about Plum for a couple of years, but I haven't purchased starter purees of any kind since I've been making baby food (the Beaba Babycook makes it absurdly easy to do so), and at this point, Violet has largely moved on to finger food chunks. However, when I opened the box, I decided to try the purees. Not only had I not seen these yogurt/fruit/veggie and fruit/grain blends before, but it occurred to me that if Violet would actually eat them, she would get a little more fluid in her by way of the liquid content in the purees.

And to my enormous glee and relief, I approached her first with the apple-spinach yogurt blend and she gobbled it up. I also presented some of the apple/raisin/quinoa blend and she gobbled that up too. For the next couple of days, we continued to present her usual foods and she gradually started taking them again, but she readily consumed these purees on each presentation. {Cue angels singing.}

I'm not sure if it was the food novelty factor, the comfort of being spoon fed (as I mentioned, Violet has moved on to finger foods, save yogurt), the taste blend, or something unbeknownst to me (Vi still hasn't sprouted any teeth, so we wondered whether gum pain and not wanting to mash on solids was contributing to her food rejection), but these products were a saving grace. It was a huge relief to see Violet get some calories, and at the risk of a TMI moment, the liquid content of the purees also helped her on the output side.

Violet is finally back to her usual cheerful self, eating her solids, but we are keeping these pouches on hand as a handy and convenient back up/supplement. I especially like having the fruit and grain blends in our arsenal because other than brown rice and quinoa, I never cook millet, barley, or amaranth so it's nice to have those grain options in rotation for variety.

As of this writing, these two new Plum products haven't been fully released in stores. I learned this the hard way when I ran to Whole Foods panicking in dismay in the baby food aisle when this was the only food Violet would eat! After writing the Plum Organics representative who sent the samples, she informed me that the products are available at Toys "R" Us (here are the links for the fruit/veggie/yogurt and fruit/grain blends), then they'll be available at Target in March, Safeway in April, and Whole Foods later in the spring. We've tried every variety except the fruit/grain blend including mango (since we think Vi might be allergic to mango) and all have been consumed happily!

'Cause Beloved had his first freight-train experience last night. Pics on BlogHer -- he's okay, but the Corolla, is, um, not.

Today, Jennifer (also of Hey Girl Momma Go) shares 12 ideas for winter birthday parties (that go beyond the bouncy castle):

I actually don't mind indoor jumpy houses and long inflatable slides. I have even grown to appreciate the "fun" in large singing mice, cheesy pan pizza, and gobs of tickets that propel out of game machines like a crazy paper adrenaline rush. But as a parent who frequents the kid's birthday party circuit, it is refreshing to switch it up. Here are 12 ideas for kid's birthday parties that are great for the winter season (many are great the rest of the year too!).

1. The nostalgic Woburn Bowladrome north of Boston has bowling for kids that's complete with a glow in the dark setting (the more white clothing the kids wear, the higher the glow factor). Young bowlers will enjoy the bumper lanes, good tunes, and small arcade for post-bowling games.

2. If you can handle the cooler temps, snow tubing at Nashoba Valley in Westford is great outdoor fun.

3. The birthday party package at Coco Key Water Park in Danvers includes admission for all kids, where they swim their little hearts out in a huge warehouse-sized lifeguarded water park. They also offer side rooms for pizza and cake and post-swimming arcade games. If you want to party on the fancy side, you can rent a cabana that's poolside. (Also, FYI -- for a fun family outing, Coco Key offers day passes. We went as a family one Saturday and had a blast.)

4. On the other end of the physical exercise spectrum, I've heard good things about Treat Cupcake Bar in Needham, where party goers can enjoy a cupcake decorating mini-class and decorate their own aprons.

5. For crafty types, check out Dabblers in West Concord, where you can focus your party around a range of hobbies such as woodworking, soap making, fiber arts, and science. And they make it one-stop shopping for party-planning parents by including invites, goody bags, and thank you notes in the party package. Awesome.

6. Kidstock is wonderful for budding thespians.

7. The MFA offers lovely creative and educational birthday parties.

8. Pottery painting provides a great hands on activity where the project doubles as the party favor. Team Boston Mamas has had great experiences at Clay Dreams, Made by Me, and Plaster Fun Time. It would also be worth checking whether Barefoot Books offers birthday parties in their lovely studio.

9. If you want to blend outsourcing + being at home, the New England Aquarium will bring sea critters to you.

10. Obviously, outsourcing can get pricey, particularly if you have a large party size. If you have the energy and space to host at home, dance parties are great. Simply put the kids in a finished basement with the Cha Cha slide blaring and a disco ball, and you're good to go.

11. Also in the home spectrum: host a "pretend" sleepover with pizza, cake, PJs, and a movie (note, however, that this does not work when it's your daughters entire kindergarten class -- I learned that one the hard way!).

12. Finally, there's always the beautiful simplicity of sending the kids outdoors. Tell attendees in advance to bundle up and plan a scavenger hunt or simple games like freeze tag and dodge ball. If there's snow on the ground, gather your old beach shovels and pails so the kids can build snow forts. And make a big batch of hot cocoa to help the kids warm up when they come in!

Do you have other awesome winter party ideas? Feel free to share them in the comments below!

Image credit: Treat Cupcake Bar

I read an article on Salon this morning by a college professor regarding what she sees going on around her: kids utterly dependent on their parents, still, in college, and parents intent on following their childrens' every move via cell phone or Facebook:

College is a perfect middle ground for this age group: Students are forced to make their own choices and take responsibility for them, but help and guidance are there if they need it. What I see, though, is that the self-reliance they should be developing is thwarted by parental involvement. An academic advisor at Drexel told me the other day what she is most surprised by is how students “tolerate parental interference.” 

A few people have asked me why I set the young adult novel I'm writing in the year 1990. My truth was that a lot of the plot twists couldn't have happened if cell phones and texting existed. Kids today seem a lot more transparent than they were when I was in high school. It was possible for someone to intercept the note you wrote your best friend about the cute guy, but short of taping it to the hallway wall, there wasn't really a way to mass publicize it. And your parents found out what you were doing from gossip -- they usually didn't have cold, hard, photographic evidence.

I wonder if it's harder to separate ourselves from our kids now because we CAN keep track of them easier. We CAN give them cell phones and insist they pick up when we call in order to have such cell phones. We CAN follow them on Twitter or friend them on Facebook or what have you. We're told we SHOULD at least be aware of what they're doing online -- I worry for me, though, will that be the gateway drug to stalking my kid? 

One of the hardest moments for me as a parent so far was the first day my daughter went on a field trip with her daycare to an amusement park. She was riding up there with another parent, a parent I didn't know. And it was AN AMUSEMENT PARK. On a very, very hot day -- I think it was more than 100 degrees that day. I worried she would get too hot, get dehydrated, get kidnapped, fall out of a roller coaster -- there were at least three thousand things I worried that day. I could've volunteered to chaperone that field trip, but I forced myself not to because it would just feed my need for control. 

Of course my girl arrived home sweaty, slightly sunburned and full of stories of adventure, high speeds and junk food.

It was so hard to not know.

If I have that much trouble with a field trip, I know I'm going to be a trainwreck the first time she leaves home without me. If I thought I could track her movements with GPS, I probably would. But that's the point of the whole Salon article -- there's a reason kids move out of the house when they're old enough, and it's this: They need to have their own lives.

I'm sure if my parents could've tracked me better in college, I would've behaved worse, not better. With them to rebel against, I probably would've rebelled. As it stood, I barely missed a class and got straight As, because I knew there was no one to make me do my homework and I saw kids around me failing out of college right and left because they couldn't discipline themselves. 

I better bookmark this post and make myself read it every night when my girl goes to college, because I'm sure I'll have accidentally left a GPS chip in her luggage.

Oy.

Hello, hello! For those who were off last week I hope you had a great February vacation! I enjoyed a lot of relaxed and happy time with the girls on the front end of the week and then had an amazing time at BlissDom. It was fun to share around More Birthdays (client work), speak about doing less as a life strategy (the response was overwhelming...I can't wait to write more about this topic), and celebrate Asha and my new book deal. Meanwhile, it's a new week and l am looking forward to tackling it! Here are some handy/fun ideas to consider in this week's Weekly Blueprint:
February 28: It's not feeling tremendously wintery right now, but hopefully there will still be chili!

February 28: Laurel loves examining "nature treasures" with her microscope. Enjoy this bird-inspired microscope magic.

February 29-March 4: Oh my goodness I totally want to take Laurel to this spectacle of acrobatics.

February 29-March 25: I think it's awesome that there will be an art exhibit inspired by spring mud.

March 2: Maple sugaring season = yum.

March 2: Read, read, read in honor of Dr. Seuss's birthday!

March 2, 9, 16, 23, 30: Free Film Fridays are back!

At your leisure: Tackle one small decluttering project. I'm going to take 10 minutes to declutter the two high-value-real-estate-yet-full-of-junk-drawers in our kitchen. I am weirdly looking forward to it!

At your leisure: If you haven't done so already, get your tax materials together.

At your leisure: Say a heartfelt thank you to someone. When I was at BlissDom this weekend, I think my eye was very trained on all the details (and amazed by how seamlessly everything came off!). I took the time to express thanks throughout -- to the food service staff, the tech staff who handled my session, the sponsors who helped support the conference, etc. After the event, Asha and I were dashing off to the closing party and I was amazed to see how fast the booth expo staff was breaking down and cleaning up. Having interfaced with these folks (on behalf of the More Birthdays booth), I was definitely tuned into how amazing they were all weekend. I asked Asha to hang on a moment and walked over and expressed my thanks to them for everything they did. The two women looked so happy and said, "That is so nice! No one ever says thank you!" Little expressions of gratitude go a long way.

Image credit: thank you cards by photospell via Etsy

Hello? That is totally correct.

Just as ebooks are heating up after everyone got a Kindle Fire for Christmas, I got a letter this week from the publisher of Sleep Is for the Weak, Chicago Review Press. I don't hear from my publisher very often, as my book came out four years ago, and in publishing dog years, that is approximately What-Have-You-Done-for-Me-Lately-thirty. The letter basically told me why Chicago Review Press's distributor, IPG, got into it with Amazon, which resulted in Amazon yanking the Kindle version of more than 4,000 books off its site. My book was one of those books.

I'm disappointed and not really because I'm upset specifically about Sleep Is for the Weak. I still think it's a great anthology, I'm proud of it and all the great writers featured in it, and there are new parents all the time who might want to read it. Since you can't find it in bookstores any more, online is really the only way to shop. BUT STILL. I intend to write more books. I'm disappointed in principle that it's so hard to get a book in front of readers four years after it was published. 

The publishing industry is the craziest industry ever, and it's the only industry I know of in which a store can buy stuff and then if it doesn't sell, the publisher has to buy it back and the author doesn't get paid -- even though it was initially sold to the bookseller. You don't get paid until Amazon buys your book and Amazon sells your book. Otherwise Amazon can buy your book, you can get super-excited, and then six months later Amazon sends back your book and all those numbers disappear from your royalty statement. It's crazy-making, and I didn't know that's how it worked until after I got my first royalty statement from Chicago Review Press and called them up to get the most frustrating math lesson known to an artist. And though I'm using Amazon as an example, it's not just them -- it's every bookstore. This is how the industry operates. Books get about two months on the shelf, and then if they're not flying off, well, they can and do get sent back. I'm constantly thankful my book was published in an era when the Internet existed to continue to sell my book after it disappeared from bookstores in the teeny tiny little parenting section that has about six shelves for every book ever written on the subject. Or maybe instead what I really find: Three shelves of baby journals, two shelves of books on getting your baby to nurse or sleep and half a shelf of humor books and books written by Jenny McCarthy with maybe one copy of Anne Lamott's amazing Operating Instructions. I totally get shelf space. I also totally get that new books come out all the time, so bookstores have to keep things in rotation. Which is why the Internet is so, so important to authors.

The publishing industry already has incredibly low margins for publishers and authors on top of the crazy-ass sell-back clause. What happened with IPG, again from my letter:

IPG, our distributor, could not in good conscience accept Amazon’s demands to the detriment of publishers and authors. As a result, Amazon is choosing not to purchase our e-books at terms that are in line with the rest of the industry and are acceptable to all our other customers. Amazon has removed our Kindle editions from their site, though the print editions of our books are still available for sale on Amazon. IPG is taking a brave stand against Amazon’s predatory pricing, along with other major players in the industry. We support them and hope that you will too.

But, you know, lest we feel too sorry for IPG, the distributor isn't too focused on ebooks, according to them: 

Some of the small presses that work with distributors don’t sell many e-books. IPG president Mark Suchomel told Crain’s that e-books make up less than 10 percent of IPG revenues. 

I'm glad it's not hurting IPG's bottom line too much, but the authors might feel a little differently about that.

And, since Chicago Review Press published my book, I can't just decide to publish it as an ebook if I want or distribute it in any other fashion. From a letter from IPG to its publishers:

7. Seriously consider the implications of this action for the long run. If we don’t hold firm on your behalf, your margins will continue to erode. IPG will continue to represent you well to those customers that are happy to buy from us at reasonable terms. If you or your authors were working directly with any large vendor, you would not have the opportunity to push back on or even have a conversation about terms. Your continued support is appreciated.

8. If anyone from Amazon calls you, please let them know that you are distributed by and contractually tied to IPG.

According to the letter, you can still get Sleep Is for the Weak in any format other than Kindle, and even if you have Kindle, you can still read it. Side note: you can email yourself almost anything on a Kindle, although a small fee applies. I email myself updated revisions of my new novel all the time because it's easier for me to find problems when it already looks like a real book. Here's how to find Sleep Is for the Weak electronically, from the letter:

All of Chicago Review Press’s titles remain widely available in both print and electronic editions (EPUB and PDF formats). You can find them at your local independent bookshop, www.indiebound.org, www.BarnesandNoble.com, Apple’s iTunes, Google Books, www.ebookstore.sony.com, and elsewhere. The only format you will not be able to buy—temporarily, we hope—is Amazon’s proprietary Kindle format. Although, if you have a Kindle Fire, with just a few steps you can download almost any e-reader app and purchase EPUB and PDF editions that can be read on the Kindle Fire. You can also purchase both print and e-books directly from the IPG website (www.ipgbook.com). 

I'm just disappointed. It's so hard to be an author anyway, and to have your book on the virtual shelves when it's not on the physical ones and then have it removed feels just horrible. I understand why IPG did what it did, and its negotiating power is one of the reasons I wanted to be traditionally published. If it were just me against Amazon, how would any negotiation go? Amazon's not evil, IPG's not evil, Chicago Review Press is not evil: No one is sitting around rubbing their hands together thinking how they can crush the souls of writers. They're making business decisions. Because bookselling is a business. It's tough to have your art be part of a business sometimes.

In the end, books are as good as their distributors. There are many, many incredible books by even well known authors that simply go out of print. I have hope that the increase in ereaders will allow books to stay in print longer electronically and be easier to access years later. The events of this week make me wonder, though. 

It's sort of crazy how things come full circle. Two years ago at BlissDom (incidentally, where I'm headed off to shortly), I had several people tell me I should write a book -- a huge compliment. And at that conference, I actually thought of a book idea -- I was so excited about the idea that I drafted an outline on the plane ride home. But then I couldn't quite take the idea forward. It was a busy year -- I was traveling a lot, I got distracted by another book idea later that year (again, I outlined the concept during the ride home). And then I unexpectedly got pregnant. Which meant another busy year followed.
But then this past fall, one of the cofounders of Bibliomotion -- a Boston-based publishing house -- approached me after Pivot (apparently my co-host Whitney Johnson told Jill Friedlander to come talk to me). Jill and I had a very friendly chat but I honestly didn't think much of it -- that night I was truly in pure help-other-people-connect-to-one-another mode, not advance-my-own-agenda mode. Until Jill emailed me a week later asking to talk on the phone. We chatted about my book ideas and I was tasked with deciding which book I wanted to formally propose. After some mulling, I felt very much that I wanted to start with the book idea I had hatched first (at BlissDom 2010), but I wanted a co-pilot on the adventure. And as I prepared to depart for Camp Mighty in November, I realized that I had the utterly perfect potential partner in my brilliant friend Asha Dornfest, and I was thrilled that during our time together at Camp Mighty, she agreed to be my co-author. I returned home, dusted off my nearly two year old book outline, and within a mind-numbingly short amount of time, Asha and I edited and submitted the proposal, received an offer, signed with an amazing agent (OMG I feel like such a grownup...I have a literary agent!), and as of this morning, our book deal is official. I almost cannot believe this is really and truly happening!

But it is. And I am beyond excited. To collaborate with an amazing friend (incidentally, one of the very first bloggers I "met" on the internet) on a topic about which we feel immense collective passion. To be represented by a wonderful agent. To work with a fantastic, forward thinking publishing house. To be on my way to fulfilling a life list item. I'm so very grateful.

Asha and I will be sharing more about the book soon, but in a nutshell, the tentative title is Minimalist Parenting: Enjoy Modern Family Life More By Doing Less and we are viewing it as a "MacGyver's guide for modern parents" -- including advice to help overwhelmed and guilt-ridden parents shed the pressure to constantly "do" and instead make more mindful choices for their family time and resources. Incidentally, the title of my talk tomorrow at BlissDom is DO LESS as a Life Strategy. Clearly, I think about this stuff pretty much all the time.

Asha and I have some ideas about how we hope to integrate the community into the process. I hope you will come along for the ride!

Image credit: vintage typewriter illustration by Bear & Robot via Etsy

Over the past week, I engaged in a two-state, five-store quest for a pair of jeans that fit. I tried on more than fifty pairs of jeans. In front of my seven-year-old daughter, who assured me over the course of two stores that I really didn't look right in skinny jeans. Because I'm not necessarily skinny. She wasn't being mean, she was being honest, and she was actually right. I wear the fact I didn't burst out crying when she said this as a badge of honor and body acceptance. Also the fact I didn't burst out crying when subjected to high-mounted fluorescents and knees that have fallen two inches from where they were on my body in 2009.

I'm cheap and I don't like to pay more than $30 for a pair of jeans, but my booty desires a fit I've found only in more high-end brands. Hence, I do all my jeans shopping in discount stores like Gordman's, T.J. Maxx, Marshall's and the like. My body refuses to conform to the standard jeans model, whom I'm convinced now is seven feet tall and has no gradual curve between the top of her hip and the bottom. I used to think the basketball hoop formed by thirty yards of excess material directly above my ass was due to the high-waisted jeans of the late eighties and early nineties. Now with jeans more low-rise all the time, I'm flummoxed. Surely I'm not the only woman on earth in possession of a bowling ball ass? That is what weighted lunges to you! And weighted lunges are all the rage, right? Am I practicing outdated exercise? Have we moved on to ballet football?

In every store, I would select between 8-12 pairs of jeans and sit the little angel on the little stool. She would begin to critique the fit before I got them on, in most cases. To her credit, she wasn't critiquing my body -- just the fit. "Those pockets don't sit flat, Mommy," she'd say. Or maybe "I can see your underwear."

She actually is an astute shopper. It's all about the fit, ladies. Anyone can look good if the fit is right.

I left the state of Nebraska on Monday empty-handed. Last night, I challenged Missouri and its larger T.J. Maxx to the test.

The little angel and I walked into the dressing room with eight pairs of jeans. I'd since abandoned skinny and was horrified by "flare" (Little Angel: That is like a foot and a half of material across, Mommy") so basically all that was left for a 38-year-old woman is boot-cut. I got three pairs to lay flat over my unusual butt and not cause a muffin-top. However, two out of the three pairs are about five inches too long.

My inner monologue upon discovering this:

1. I'm 5'6" and wear a size 8. I've always thought I was pretty average. Size 8s sell out really fast. Are size 8 women really seven feet tall now? Or are all the kids wearing five-inch heels to school with their jeans? 
2. Did I miss a chapter? Why am I needing to have jeans hemmed now like when I was nine years old?

HOWEVER. I was so excited the jeans fit my hips and thighs I resolved to find a tailor ASAP so I can donate the four pairs of jeans I bought in 2007 and have worn every week since then in rotation that now are so stretched-out, faded and unflattering I feel like I'm setting a new standard for mom-who-has-given-up every time I wear them.

When I was checking out last night at T.J. Maxx, the teenager who rang me up mentioned her mom wears a size 8, too. Thanks, kid. Is she seven feet tall?

---

Read my review of Kim Purcell's young adult novel Trafficked on Surrender, Dorothy: Reviews!