My sister shared this video with me, and I laughed and laughed and laughed.
[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CwwWqRV2RsI]
2011 is almost over. I'm sort of sad to see it go. I've spent this year waiting and watching and biding my time for things to happen. But in the meantime, nothing bad has happened, either. As I've spent the last week thinking over 2011 and what it's been, I realized with great clarity that nothing bad happened this year. Bad things *almost* happened, but then didn't. And maybe with that comes happiness. Perhaps the absence of bad things is really as good as it can be.
That sounds more pessimistic than I mean it to be.
After a frustrating time, Beloved got a new job. It has him away more than I'd like him to be, but I'm happy to see he is engaged and interested in what he's doing. Though I haven't written about it much here, I've been very hard at work on my first real novel. It's one of the things I've been waiting about, and there were many times in this year that I wondered really what I should do about it, if I should do anything about it, so I just took critiques and revised and waited and sent it out and waited and revised it some more. And at BlogHer Writers '11, I solidified what I want the next novel to be and started an outline. It's not ready to come out yet, but it's there, humming below the surface in between drafts and revisions of my first novel, just waiting to be born. I keep asking it to please wait a little longer until I can push this first-born novel out of the nest. It is impatient.
Chateau Travolta unexpectedly got a new roof in 2011, thank you, hail storm. We've had Petunia the cat now longer than we had the monster-eating Bella, which sort of blows my mind. Somehow, while I wasn't paying attention, that milestone ticked over and she became more dear to me even though the vet hates her and my niece thinks she is the cat who only says HISS.
The little angel and I took down the Christmas decorations today, and as I put them away I realized how much she has grown since we moved to Chateau Travolta the year she was three and still in a toddler bed. Somehow -- while I wasn't paying attention -- she became a girl who is in second grade and wears skinny jeans and sings along to the radio and wears an apron and takes my order for dinner. In seven more years, she'll be close to getting a learner's permit and the car will be paid off and we'll all have our Internet passwords embedded in a small chip implanted behind our left ears. My parents will be in their mid-seventies and I will be almost 45 and maybe we'll all have subsidized healthcare. Or maybe the world really will end in 2012 and the aliens will find our tweets and wonder what the hell #shitmydadsays means, but certainly it must have been a prophet of some sort for all the attention we paid it. The Kardashians will be on their 52nd plastic surgery and cars will fly, but not mine, because I'll hold on to that Corolla for dear life and we'll finally have paid off the move of 2007.
When I think back over 2011, a lot of things happened to the people around me but not a lot happened to me, and that's okay. Because nothing really bad happened to me, either, and perhaps now that I'm 37 years old and almost 38, I've come to appreciate the lack of bad nearly as much as the abundance of good, because good can also be peaceful hamburgers on the deck when the light turns gold in summer and Christmas lights that all work and a furnace that still functions and a soft bed. I appreciate all that so much more than I did before I learned how easily it can all go up poof, like that, just like that.
It's almost 2012, and I'm still waiting for some things I've worked on so hard to come to fruition. There were many, many nights in 2011 that I cried over the waiting. But when I really think about it, maybe the waiting itself contributes to happiness, because when it finally comes, it will feel so much better than if it had just fallen in my lap.
Here's to the upcoming year. Here's to hoping you get what you're waiting for.
Hello wonderful readers! I have been waffling over whether to blog or take a break during the winter holidays, and then yesterday the universe decided to provide me directives by sending me and Laurel the dreaded stomach bug. Yesterday was beyond awful, but we are on the mend and moving forward with Christmas plans (though somewhat subdued, and with the mindset that we will pull back as needed). However, I will follow the universe's sign and take the holiday break off here! If anything truly timely comes up, I will share quick links via Twitter and Facebook so please feel free to connect there. Meanwhile, assuming my health comes back to me quickly, below are some things I'd like to do during the winter break. Have a wonderful holiday!
1. Enjoy Christmas with my family. (Hopefully not give anyone else the plague.)
2. Go ice skating with Jon and the girls. (Now pending depending on state of plague.)
3. Finish my book outlines and deliver them to my potential publisher.
4. Purge my closet.
5. Tidy up my office.
6. Take Laurel and Violet to see The Muppets.
7. Make an editorial plan for Boston Mamas.
8. Finally print, frame, and hang photos including Violet.
9. Order school supplies to donate to Laurel's classroom.
10. Revamp my professional landing page.
11. Bake something really delicious with Laurel.
12. Reconcile my financial paperwork.
13. Enjoy an evening out with Jon.
14. Celebrate New Year's with family and friends and set intentions for 2012.
15. If there is snow, take Laurel sledding. Also take some gratuitous photos of Laurel and Violet on a sled.
16. Learn some new chords on my mandola. (I recently learned to play my first song!)
Do you have any specific things you'd love to do this holiday break? I'd love to hear them!
I've been including poems with my holiday cards since I was 21 and I sent out Christmas pieces of paper instead of Christmas cards because I was too broke to buy cards. I'm 37 now, so that means I've sent out 16 holiday poems.
And this year, I didn't.
This year, I was working on revisions on my novel and all my creative energy went to that. This year, I sat down at least three times and the words wouldn't come. This year, I wondered if maybe that well had dried up, if I'd said everything there was to say about the holidays and family and goodness and light.
There were a few complaints. And I felt guilty. I'm really pleased people liked them enough to be sad when they ended ... but not enough to try to force something that just wouldn't come. I was telling Beloved about this problem when the little angel piped up that she would be happy to write one. Since I've already sent out my holiday greetings, this year, here are the poems she wrote. I think I'm passing the torch. From now on, there's a new sheriff in town.
Happy holidays to you from the Arens bards!
Snow
Nose
Only
Wow!
Man
Awesome
Nice
Sliding
Lightning-fast
Exciting
Daring
Christ
Holiday
Rejoice
Israel
Stocking
Tinsel
Mary
Angel
Santa
Dreidl
Exciting
Cradle
Elves
Mistletoe
Berries
Embark
Remember
Pursuant to yesterday's St. Thomas: In the Air post, I now want to share our experiences on the ground. As I mentioned yesterday, I embarked on this journey with both 7-year-old Laurel and 9-month-old Violet in tow to really put the family friendliness of the island to a test. I also paid to bring my mother along, both to fulfill my life list goal of taking her on a vacation and also to have an extra set of eyes for the kids. Below I cover transport, activities, accommodations, and food, and also address questions my readers asked, regarding traveling with kids.
This was my first time visiting the U.S. Virgin Islands and I was immediately taken by the juxtaposition of beauty and grit in St. Thomas. Unlike some destinations, which try to cover up anything short of perfect, St. Thomas clearly includes beautiful beaches and historical attractions that make for an active tourism industry, and also real people simply living their lives. When I travel, I'm not drawn towards commercial districts (unless they include indie stores), given that I have no desire to shop chains that I can find at home when I'm away. Instead, in St. Thomas, I was fascinated by the winding roadways, architecture, meandering roosters and baby goats, and roadside vendors offering local produce, baked goods (guavaberry tarts!), and drinks. The only problem about driving my family around was that it made it impossible for me to take photos (most of the roadways lack shoulders) of all of this gritty yet natural beauty. And of course, when we were on the beach, the beauty seemed almost impossible. Here are the major travel components I observed during the trip.
Transport:
Because I was traveling with my kids, the USVI DOT kindly arranged a rental car for me (other press trip members rode in a touring safari). I brought Laurel's clek olli booster (the compact size is perfect for travel) and reserved a car seat for Violet (utterly necessary...I truly would not have been able to carry one more thing). I became remarkably facile at driving on the left side of the road, helped no doubt by the fact that the steering wheel is still on the left side of the car. The only point of confusion was that cars (or at least the one I was driving) operate via a push button. You still have a car remote to lock/unlock the car but there is no key -- instead, press hard on the brake and push the button to start. Who knew?
When I return to the islands, my inclination would be to again rent a car so we have flexibility in getting around. Otherwise, the taxi network is huge in St. Thomas. I believe there are over 1,300 taxis on St. Thomas alone.
Activities:
As I mentioned, my preference when traveling is to explore local cultural attractions. Coral World Ocean Park is a must see if you visit St. Thomas -- it's manageable in size yet with plenty to see. My Mom and Laurel went especially crazy over seeing iguanas roaming around and feeding the rainbow lorikeets. And even baby Violet loved the Marine Gardens -- these indoor tanks (built into the walls and illuminated in otherwise dark rooms) offered plenty of contrast for her to see (I'm super impressed with the fish photo I captured, below) -- she was actually laughing out loud and clapping watching the fish dart around. My only regret was that we missed our sea lion encounter.
We also enjoyed an island tour that included a crazy ride to the peak of St. Thomas -- all the roadways are narrow and going up the mountain there were hairpin turns that seemed impossible to navigate but were actually doable. The St. Thomas Skyride would have been wonderful to try, but was unfortunately closed.
However, and perhaps not surprisingly, what made St. Thomas so special for us was the water access. Typically when we hit the beaches in New England, it feels like polar bear diving, even in the summer. The ability to get in the water and be comfortable was amazing. And whether you decide to do something like the Virgin Islands Ecotours (they offer kayak, hike, and snorkeling tours of the St. Thomas Mangrove Lagoon Marine Sanctuary among other options) or take advantage of your hotel's beachfront access, it's pretty amazing. We stayed at the Ritz-Carlton and also toured the Bolongo Bay Beach Resort and water activities were front and center at both destinations. We spent more time at the Ritz-Carlton beach because it was, well, utterly perfect, and it was fantastic to be able to access kayaks, paddleboats, standing paddleboards, and even snorkels. Laurel and I snorkeled for the first time together, which was a truly spectacular experience.
Accommodations:
After our family trip to California and this trip to St. Thomas, I have a new perspective on hotels. On the one hand, if you're out and about you mostly just sleep in your hotel. On the other hand, your hotel will be your home base and if you're traveling with kids there are amenities you will want and need. My default used to be to find the least expensive (yet not totally scummy) accommodation possible. However, when I booked our trip to Berkeley, Jon suggested we step it up a notch and get something we would be really happy and comfortable with. And it totally paid off, particularly in having elements like a café, pool, and family friendly service.
Staying at the Ritz-Carlton elevated that perspective to a different level. While no, I don't want to be completely insulated from the rest of the world at an all inclusive property such as the Ritz, after plenty of touring around in St. Thomas, it felt fantastic to spend the rest of the day soaking up the amenities and excellent service. Some of the highlights that made traveling with kids really fantastic:
So yes, I realize that the Ritz is a luxury property but the experience there was so phenomenal that I would totally go back. I think it's a matter of prioritizing and budgeting in advance, and perhaps taking advantage of cost-saving approaches such as traveling off peak. It also helps that most of the family travel we tend to do is by car so when we do embark on destination travel, I feel OK splurging.
That said, there are definitely other accommodation options on the island. The USVI DOT has a great accommodations guide, and while I was on the island, I did have a chance to tour Bolongo Bay Beach Resort. And while it's certainly not as fancy as the Ritz-Carlton, Bolongo is less expensive and offers immediate beachfront access, a small pool, restaurants, and water activities. I also like that this is a family owned property.
Food:
I was really happy with the food in St. Thomas. It was a great mix of local and standard fare to accommodate any appetite -- Laurel and my mother are both vegetarians and they didn't have any trouble finding tasty things to eat. Also excellent? Every single restaurant we went to -- whether at the hotel or downtown -- offered a kids menu or the staff was willing to make up something "not too crazy" (e.g., pasta with vegetables, no sauce) for Laurel. Not stressing about her finding something to eat was fantastic.
Reader Questions:
I queried on Twitter and Facebook in advance of this trip to find out top travel concerns from my readers. Below is the Q & A:
Q: Does the hotel have connecting rooms so adults don't have to go to bed at 8pm with the kids?
A: Suite options were an option at the Ritz (or our room definitely had connecting doors to the adjacent room) and I believe are also available at Bolongo. Definitely check with different hotels that fit your price range though!
Q: Is there a kids camp of kid-friendly activities?
A: Yes, at the Ritz. Again, you'd need to check your specific hotel.
Q: Are there "separate but equal" things for kids and adults?
A: I found that Coral World and the water activities in particular were fantastically fun for both kids and adults.
Q: Can kids eat in the main restaurant of the destination?
A: Kids were welcome everywhere we went, even at one really fancy restaurant (as evidenced by the fact that they had high chairs and were willing to make Laurel's dinner special).
Q: Is there a bar?
A: Yes, drinks were available at all the restaurants/hotels I saw.
Q: Is there a pool?
A: Yes, at both Ritz and Bolongo.
Q: Is there a place to put stuff up high so kids can't reach?
A: I found the closet to be the best place to keep things out of reach.
Q: Is there coffee in the room?
A: Yes, at Ritz.
Q: Is there babysitting?
A: Yes, at Ritz, though we didn't use.
Q: Are there kitchen facilities in the room?
A: Our room did not have a kitchenette, but even having a fridge (to store leftovers) was fantastic for cutting down on food waste/expense. Otherwise, check the USVI DOT accommodations guide for different options.
Q: Is there food my kids will eat?
A: Yes, as described above.
Summary:
In short, we had an amazing time in St. Thomas. It was a beautiful place to explore, there was a remarkable friendliness and ease and affection among the locals (everyone called me and each other "sweetie"), and it was so meaningful for me to take my mother along with my girls. I am very eager to return to the islands -- I'd love to explore St. Croix and St. John and am not so secretly contemplating booking a trip for me and Jon to celebrate once I finish nursing Violet. I highly recommend visiting the U.S. Virgin Islands -- not surprisingly, peak season runs from Christmas until April so if you'd like to make the trip more budget friendly, travel outside of that time window. But whether on or off peak, the escape will be magical!
Many thanks again to the USVI Department of Tourism for inviting me on this press trip.
Ever since Sarah shared her love for St. John's Maho Bay, I've been thinking about traveling to the U.S. Virgin Islands. So I felt immensely fortunate when the USVI Department of Tourism recently invited me to explore one or more of the islands for a press tour. If I were going alone or with Jon, I definitely would have wanted to compare St. Thomas, St. John, and St. Croix; however, given that my editorial interest was family friendly travel, I brought Laurel (which the USVI DOT kindly accommodated financially, in addition to my expenses), and given that I'm still nursing I brought Violet too (no expenses). I also decided to fulfill a life list item and pay my Mom's way so she could enjoy a vacation. I have a lot of handy travel information to share (including answering travel Q&A from readers), so I'll be reporting across two (possibly three) posts. The first focuses on air travel.
This press trip was coordinated to coincide with JetBlue's inaugural direct flight to St. Thomas. It's been a while since I have flown JetBlue (since my trip to Atlantis actually) and this experience -- coupled with the very recent memory of three flights within the last two months (one cross-country with Laurel and Violet) -- has solidified that I must check JetBlue first in the future. The main differences -- all making traveling with two kids way easier -- included the following:
In a nutshell, I was thrilled with JetBlue, particularly from the family friendly angle, and highly recommend you consider flying with them (my mom is also now totally a fan!). It's excellent that they now fly direct to St. Thomas (as well as other tropical destinations), though it's a bit of a bummer that you cannot fly back direct in the reverse. On the return flight we had to fly to San Juan to refuel and though it was a short 20-minute trip, the overall process added an extra hour to our return travel. Meanwhile, I'm truly sad they don't fly to Nashville (my next trip). Even though my Nashville journey will be solo, I would love to enjoy less carry-on baggage mayhem, more legroom, snacks, and great service.
I've been reading some interesting posts over at BlogHer about Santa. One was from a woman who is not going to tell her child that Santa is real, ever:
We’ve definitely put some thought into this decision, and I feel certain it’s the right one for our family. I think we will absolutely tell Noah the story of Santa Claus, but we just won’t tell him Santa brings him presents, comes down the chimney, eats cookies that he leaves for him or that Santa is “watching him.”
I don’t think he’ll be missing out on much because we will begin our own traditions, and he will have happy Christmases built on the values that we’ve chosen for our family.
On the other side is the woman whose kids freaked when they saw Santa in a restaurant:
But instead I saw you, in all your white-bearded, spectacled glory, enjoying a quiet meal with Mrs. Claus. In a Harley T-shirt and jeans. No matter…the kids didn’t need to see your red suit or reindeer companions to know it was you. I’m sure your celebrity status allows you little anonymity at this time of year.
The most interesting thing about these posts is how important whether or not Santa exists and whether or not their kids believe he exists is to people. I had no idea. You should go read the comments -- some people are kind of worked up over whether a complete stranger tells her kid Santa's a myth.
I had to text my parents and sister last night while thinking about this post to figure out if I ever believed in Santa Claus. (It turns out I did, and my sister remembered the exact moment I ruined her childhood by telling her he was a ruse. Sorry, Sis.) The reason I think I wondered is that my parents are Christian and very religious, and what I remember most clearly was going to church on Christmas Eve and the nativity appearing under the huge tree there every week in advent, the advent wreath, the candles. I really, really, don't remember the Santa bits.
My seven-year-old is on the edge of no longer believing in Santa. She said the other day she doesn't want to grow up, either. I think she's clinging to Santa like she clings to her stuffed animals -- growing up is tough stuff, and Santa and young-kid toys are a safety blanket of sorts for her, the easy, no-pressure part of childhood before you have peer pressure or fashion or mean girls.
Most of her friends don't believe in Santa any more and tell her that he's not real. Last year she wrote on her white board "things I believe in" and drew the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, and Santa. It made me feel wistful to see that, just like it made me wistful to start shopping in the girls section of the store instead of the toddler section, just like it makes me feel wistful to realize she knows all the words to Adele songs and has somewhere learned to dance with actual rhythm.
When she comes to me and asks, I just keep directing it back to her, asking her what she thinks. I'm a fiction writer. I make her bears talk, I make up stories about the cat texting me, and she knows I'm full of it but loves the stories, anyway. When she was little, I told her the cat ate monsters and then made up a whole picture book plot line about it, and she loved that, too. She stopped believing the cat really ate monsters but still loved the idea. But that, too, is me -- making up stories is very natural and fun for me, so I doubt she'll freak when she makes the transition from believing Santa is real to loving the idea. I doubt she'll hate me for being a liar, because "lie" and "fiction" -- oh, it's such a fine line, isn't it? Her childhood has been filled with interesting fictions (she still believes there is a Mommy Handbook -- from which I regularly quote passages -- and that I have to report to the Mommy Board if I fail to discipline her properly).
Oh, we do emphasize our celebration of Christmas from a religious perspective, as well. Though we don't have a regular church, we still celebrate the story of Christmas. She knows for Christians Christmas is the second most important religious holiday -- and she also knows a long time ago our culture started separating out the religious part from the Santa part so even people who aren't Christians celebrate Christmas, just in a different way. The mash-up of cultural and Christian holidays is very real -- Easter, same thing. Our culture tends to do that with Christian holidays way more than any other religious holidays, so it's something we confront over and over. The way we've dealt with it is to completely separate them -- there's the serious religious holiday and then the crazy American holiday, and they really have nothing to do with one another but, you know, fun! Who doesn't like painting eggs and decorating trees?
Kids are going to have to confront other kids with different belief systems their whole lives, whether it's Santa or a different religion or a different culture. Nobody parents the same way, and part of parenting is helping your child negotiate a world filled with different belief systems without fighting with everyone. Which is why I don't get why some commenters are so upset.
I love the philosophy of the Jewish woman whose family used to celebrate Christmas and now has a Christian boyfriend:
As years went on, our ginormous Christmas tree became a Chanukah bush. I never really understood that. The bush part I mean. Like a burning bush? My dad was slowly finding his Jewish roots, and we were slowly losing our Christian Christmas. If you ask my mom why we celebrated Christmas, she'll say that it was never a religious celebration but rather an opportunity to decorate. And wrap. The woman is an expert gift wrapper.
[vimeo http://www.vimeo.com/30581015 w=400&h=225]
Midnight Sun | Iceland from SCIENTIFANTASTIC on Vimeo.
My life list includes writing a couple of books that have been percolating in my brain the last couple of years (I'm actually drafting outlines for a potential publisher!). Meanwhile, I have a few friends who published books this year and I'm utterly thrilled for them! These titles technically are no longer new releases (though a couple of them, er, were in fact so when the review copies were sent to me during my Violet babymoon), but I wanted to share them before more time elapsed. The first title would be an entertaining gift for a new mom; the second and third handy for aspiring mamapreneurs.
Let's Panic About Babies!
I was thrilled to see my delightful friend Alice Bradley and finally meet the lovely Eden Kennedy -- co-authors of Let's Panic About Babies! -- at Camp Mighty last month. With the exception that it reminded me that I received their book about 10 minutes after returning home from the hospital with Violet and it eventually disappeared into the vortex that currently is my office. Though I have, in fact, gazed into Violet's eyes with the laser sharp adoration portrayed on the book's cover, as a not so panicky second time mom I had many laughs while reading this book -- particularly while deciphering the tables, graphs, and diagrams. If you need a comical break from all the "should's" typically associated with parenting manuals, Let's Panic is a welcome respite. Also, start following Alice and Eden's blogs. They are such smart and funny writers.
Audrey McClelland and Colleen Padilla were among the first mom bloggers I connected with online when the mom blogging scene exploded five years ago. They both are truly bright and generous spirits in this space and this year they published The Digital Mom Handbook, a guide to helping moms figure out the nuts and bolts of creating a digital career. Imparting their advice, as well as that of many mom bloggers (I'm honored to be included in the book), Audrey and Colleen help readers through top down elements such as finding one's passion, to bottom up building blocks such as handling pitches and navigating social media platforms. This book is great for newbies, but I also found it fun to read what fellow bloggers had to say about their journeys into digital careers.
I only had a few minutes to thumb through MOM, Incorporated at Aliza Sherman and my lovely friend Danielle Smith's Boston book launch party this past fall, but at said party, the authors talked about something in their book that really resonated with me: the persistence with which women apologize for their actions (often when not justified), and how it's time to stop that behavior. Ever since that day, I've been trying to start less e-mails and conversations with "I'm sorry I didn't do ______" (try it -- it's both challenging and liberating!). Meanwhile, MOM, Incorporated drills down into the how to's of building a business (e.g, business plans, incorporating, finances, tech) while having a family.
I hope you enjoy these books. I'm so grateful to know these talented authors!