Do you have any Sun Chips?
A few weeks ago, I found a blog post about a woman who did 300 sit-ups a day for 30 days and her abs looked totally different. I have no intention of doing 300 sit-ups every day, but there was a time when I could, and my core could use a little, well, tightening. So I wrote down the sets and thought I'd try doing them a few times a week to see what happened.
Hubris was mine. I was born with strong abdominal muscles. Even when I was completely out of shape as a child, I could always do more than the required amount of sit-ups in P.E. or for the Presidential Fitness Test. Sit-ups have always been my place to shine. No problem, I thought, to this 300 sit-ups business. I just need to get back in the groove.
I did the sets on Friday around noon. They were hard, I won't lie, but I was able to finish them and pick my ass off the floor afterward. Friday was totally normal.
Saturday, I woke up and was unable to lift my legs. Apparently, there is a muscle here:
I can't even tell you. It's like exactly where my legs connect to my torso. FIRE RAGING FIRE. Do my abs hurt? No. Do my upper thighs hurt? No. Hips? No. Butt? No. JUST WHATEVER THAT IS.
I went to bed last night in fear, because anyone who has ever worked out too hard knows the agony that is the TWO-DAY SORE. It's like your body saves up all the worst of it for the SECOND day after you overdo whatever it was you overdid. I woke up this morning and had to lift my legs with my arms to get out of bed, because there was no way I was going to flex whatever attaches my limbs to my body. I winced my way to the bathroom and found myself massaging analgesic cream into areas of my body I never thought I would and pounding Advil. About an hour ago I made Beloved go for a walk around the block with me, because even though I did not in any way wish to move, I know if you don't, the stiffness mixes with the TWO-DAY SORE and it's all downhill from there. I would like to be able to walk without looking like there is a pole up my butt by 2013.
So I can do my sit-ups again, because anything that brings the pain like that must work like gangbusters! Only this time, maybe I'll build up. Apparently, I'm not 17 anymore. Aging can suck it.
PS: I got the scientific drawing above from the Lloyd Release Procedure, which looks scary. I'm fairly certain I violated copyright law. I'm not exactly sure where to find safe anatomy images. I checked Wikimedia Commons and got nothing. Same with Flickr. Ideas?
What happens when you're not ready for the power you desire?Revisit the Greek myth of the sun god, Helios, and his son Phaeton -- only this time Helios is Helen, the fiery-haired chief executive of Aethon Power & Light in Chicago and Phaeton is Parker, her hot-headed son and only heir.
The Birthright of Parker Cleaves Playlist on Spotify
Songs with fire
1) Fire and Rain - James Taylor
2) Firework - Katy Perry
3) Set Fire to the Rain - Adele
4) Girl on Fire - Alicia Keys
5) We Didn't Start the Fire - Billy Joel
6) What's Up? - 4 Non Blondes
7) I'm on Fire - Bruce Springsteen
8) Bad Moon Rising - Creedence Clearwater Revival
9) Light My Fire - The Doors
10) Burning Down the House - Talking Heads
11) Holding Out for a Hero - Bonnie Tyler
12) While My Guitar Gently Weeps - The Beatles
13) I Would Die 4 U - Prince
14) Waiting for a Girl Like You - Foreigner
15) Hearts on Fire - John Cafferty
16) Hook - Blues Traveler
17) I Was Here - Beyonce
18) Rosanna - Toto
19) I Wanna Be Sedated - Ramones
20) St. Elmo's Fire - John Parr
A short excerpt -- Remember: Helen is the matriarch, Parker her problem child. Meg = the observer and either victim or conquerer -- up to you.
Helen leans in, her necklaces clinking softly. I can smell her perfume wafting up from between the layers of silk around her shoulders. “I stopped by to see if you’re clear on your duties while I’m gone, dear.” She rests her hand on my desk, and it looks old, way older than her face, as though she’s aging from the ground up.
I swivel to see her adjusting her thick leather belt. It looks soft enough to fold in half length-wise. “Pretty sure—Parker is filling in for you, so I manage his calendar and affairs just like I do for you until you return, right?” Don’t leave. I don’t want you to leave me. Too.
“That’s right. It could be more challenging than you think.” Helen stands back, removing her hand from my inspection as if she can see what I am thinking. “He can be more challenging.”
“Oh?” I slide my feet back into the flats under my desk. “Parker?”
“I’m well aware of my son’s interest in you, Meg. I’ve told him again and again he needs to keep the office business, but he tends to lack boundaries.” She looks right at me, and I start to squirm. “I do worry you’ll buy into Parker’s image of himself. It’s happened with others before, but you’re made of different stuff, I think. Always remember there’s a difference between liking someone and liking the way they make you feel about yourself.”
THE OBVIOUS GAME (InkSpell Publishing, 2013)
THE OBVIOUS GAME is a 2016 Library Journal Self-e Selection! Ask for it at your local library.
“Everyone trusted me back then. Good old, dependable Diana. Which is why most people didn’t notice at first.”
"Your shirt is yellow."
"Your eyes are blue."
"You have to stop running away from your problems."
"You're too skinny."
Fifteen-year-old Diana Keller accidentally begins teaching The Obvious Game to new kid Jesse on his sixteenth birthday. As she buries her shock about her mother's fresh cancer diagnosis in cookbooks, peach schnapps and Buns of Steel workouts, Diana both seduces athlete Jesse and shoves him away under the guise of her carefully constructed sentences. As their relationship deepens, Diana avoids Jesse's past with her own secrets -- which she'll protect at any cost. Will Diana and Jesse's love survive his wrestling obsession and the Keller family's chaos, or will all their important details stay buried beneath a game?
Praise for The Obvious Game:
"Lovely, evocative, painful and joyful all in one ... much like high school." -- Jenny Lawson, author of LET'S PRETEND THIS NEVER HAPPENED
“I couldn’t put down THE OBVIOUS GAME. Arens perfectly captures the hunger, pain and uncertainty of adolescence.” -- Ann Napolitano, author of A GOOD HARD LOOK and WITHIN ARM'S REACH
"THE OBVIOUS GAME is a fearless, honest, and intense look into the psychology of anorexia. The characters—especially Diana--are so natural and emotionally authentic that you’ll find yourself yelling at the page even as you’re compelled to turn it." -- Coert Voorhees, author of LUCKY FOOLS and THE BROTHERS TORRES
"Let’s be clear about one thing: there’s nothing obvious about THE OBVIOUS GAME. Arens has written a moving, sometimes heart-breaking story about one girl’s attempt to control the uncontrollable. You can’t help but relate to Diana and her struggles as you delve into this gem of a novel." -- Risa Green, author of THE SECRET SOCIETY OF THE PINK CRYSTAL BALL
"THE OBVIOUS GAME explores the chasms between conformity and independence, faith and fear, discoveries and secrets, first times and last chances, hunger and satisfaction. The tortured teenage experience is captured triumphantly within the pages of this unflinching, yet utterly relatable, novel. - Erica Rivera, author of INSATIABLE: A YOUNG MOTHER’S STRUGGLE WITH ANOREXIA
Book Information:
Publisher: Inkspell Publishing
Release Date: Feb 7th, 2013
ISBN: 978-0-9856562-7-0 (ebook), 978-0-9856562-8-7 (Paperback)
Paperback Price: $13.99
Kindle: $4.99
- THE OBVIOUS GAME on AMAZON
- THE OBVIOUS GAME on BARNES & NOBLE
- THE OBVIOUS GAME on INDIEBOUND
- LIBRARIANS! Contact me to order THE OBVIOUS GAME at the 40%-off author discount (ritajarens@gmail.com)
And here's a short excerpt!
Prologue
1987
When we were in seventh grade, Amanda and I snuck out of her house one foggy Saturday night to meet her boyfriend, Matt. We spent more time planning our escape than we did actually conducting it.
We’d made a list while pretending to do our homework:
Wrap flashlights with black electrical tape. (check)
Make fake bodies out of pillows to hide in our sleeping bags. (check)
Booby-trap her bedroom door with string across the threshold so we could see if her mom had tried to check on us. (check)
Assemble all-black outfits, complete with stocking caps, so we would blend in with the shadows as we walked. (check)
Arrange the rendezvous point ahead of time with Matt: the third-grade playground at the elementary school. (check)
It wasn’t until we’d successfully shimmied down the fence, jogged the four blocks up the street, and seen Matt sitting there alone on the seesaw that I realized I had nothing at all to do while they giggled and kissed. I’d been so caught up in the planning portion of our escape that I didn’t notice how pathetic my part in it seemed.
I twirled on the swings across the playground and out of view, once again pretending to be totally cool with it. The thing was, though, I wasn’t cool with it. I felt about as important as the guy who wrote the cooking instructions for Pop-Tarts.
We probably would’ve stayed there for hours if I hadn’t finally strode over to the jungle gym, coughing and kicking rocks as I went. Amanda poked her head out.
“What’s up, Diana?”
“Can we go soon? I forgot to bring a book.”
Her expectant smile turned sour. “Okay,” she finally said, disappearing in the darkness. “Just five more minutes.”
I wandered to the edge of the playground, thought about turning back on my own, letting her get caught out there by herself. But I wouldn’t. That’s what friends are for. She knew it. I knew it.
Everyone trusted me. Good old dependable Diana. Which was why most people didn’t notice at first that I was in trouble.
The Obvious Game Playlist
Chapter 1: Pride by White Lion (1987) – When the Children Cry
Chapter 2: Appetite for Destruction by Guns N’ Roses (1987) – Welcome to the Jungle
Chapter 3: Scarecrow by John Mellencamp (1985) – Small Town
Chapter 4: True Colors by Cyndi Lauper (1986) – True Colors
Chapter 5: Can’t Hold Back by Eddie Money (1986) – Take Me Home Tonight
Chapter 6: Hysteria by Def Leppard (1987) – Hysteria
Chapter 7: Nothing’s Shocking by Jane’s Addiction (1988) – Jane Says
Chapter 8: Just Like the First Time by Freddie Jackson (1986) – Have You Ever Loved Somebody
Chapter 9: Use Your Illusion by Guns N’Roses (1991) – November Rain
Chapter 10: Bat Out of Hell by Meatloaf (1977) – Bat Out of Hell
Chapter 11: Head Games by Foreigner (1979) – Dirty White Boy
Chapter 12: Faith by George Michael (1987) – Monkey
Chapter 13: Cuts Like a Knife by Bryan Adams (1983) – Straight From the Heart
Chapter 14: Double Vision by Foreigner (1978) – Hot Blooded
Chapter 15: Disintegration by The Cure (1989) – Fascination Street
Chapter 16: Poison by Bell Biv DeVoe (1990) – Poison
Chapter 17: Achtung Baby by U2 (1991) -- Who’s Gonna Ride Your Wild Horses?
Chapter 18: Nevermind by Nirvana (1991) – Smells Like Teen Spirit
Chapter 19: Listen Without Prejudice by George Michael (1990) – Something to Save
Chapter 20: Out of Time by R.E.M. (1991) – Losing My Religion
Chapter 21: The Way It Is by Bruce Hornsby (1986) – Mandolin Rain
Chapter 22: Infected by The The (1986) – Out of the Blue (Into the Fire)
Chapter 23: Strange Fire by Indigo Girls (1989) – Strange Fire
Chapter 24: Little Earthquakes by Tori Amos (1992) -- China
Eating Disorder Resources
- Academy for Eating Disorders -- http://www.aedweb.org
- AED Academy for Eating Disorders -- http://www.aedweb.org
- ANAD-National Association of Anorexia Nervosa & Associated Disorders --http://www.anad.org/ANAD
- The Body Positive --http://www.thebodypositive.org
- EDA Eating Disorders Anonymous -- http://www.eatingdisordersanonymous.org
- Eating Disorder Coalition for Research, Policy and Action --http://www.eatingdisorderscoalition.org
- Eating Disorder Foundation -- http://www.eatingdisorderfoundation.org
- Eating Disorder Hope -- http://www.eatingdisorderhope.com
- Eating Disorders Information Network -- http://www.edin-ga.org
- EDReferral-Eating Disorder Referral -- http://www.edreferral.com
- Familes Empowered & Supporting Treatment of Eating Disorders -- http://members.feast-ed.org/
- Helping Other People Eat -- http://www.hopetolive.com/
- Multi-Service Eating Disorders Association
- The Jennifer Mathiason Fund -- http://www.moonshadowsspirit.org/
- The Elisa Project -- http://www.edreferral.com
If you want to read more by me, well, you can.
Website/blog: http://www.surrenderdorothyblog.com or http://www.ritaarens.com
Twitter: https://twitter.com/ritaarens
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/rita.arens
BlogHer: http://www.blogher.com/member/rita-arens
LinkedIn: http://www.linkedin.com/profile/view?id=4048495&trk=tab_pro
Pinterest: https://pinterest.com/ritajarens/
Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/-/e/B002KRLEHE
Goodreads: http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/1371209.Rita_Arens
I'm seeking beta readers for my next novel. Beta readers read a draft and give feedback re: pacing, characters, plot and overall flow. If you're interested in being a beta reader (I list in acknowledgments), please contact me at ritajarens@gmail.com.
I'm so excited to show you the cover for my young adult novel, THE OBVIOUS GAME, which will be published on February 7, 2013, two days after my thirty-ninth birthday.
Those of you who have been reading me for a while know what a labor of love this book was. While there was an awful lot of pain and sweat I didn't write about, I think you saw enough to know there were many days I didn't know if this would ever happen and many days when I really, really wanted to just throw down.
I'm glad I didn't. Not only is this book finally finding its way into the world, my publisher has generously offered to donate a portion of the proceeds of the book (I don't know how much yet) to the Eating DisorderFoundation, which was recommended by my friends at the Eating Recovery Center in Denver. It's my greatest hope that this novel will not only be worthwhile as a novel but will also help parents and families understand and feel compassion for someone suffering from an eating disorder and offer hope for a full recovery to those who are in the grip of it. UPDATED 1/14/2013: My publisher has informed me they have been unable to get in contact with the charity and are putting this plan on hold until they can hammer out details.
This novel was so much harder than SLEEP IS FOR THE WEAK was, and I thought that was really hard. But the novel was so much more personal and so much a combination of craft that I had to learn on the job and inspiration and revisions and rejection and more revisions and hours I could've spent doing something else. I know a lot of writers talk about the pain of the writing process. For me, there is actually never a blank page because I don't sit down to write without a lot of couch time first in which I figure out what I want to say and visualize the scenes in my head. So I guess maybe I'm "writing" when I'm not writing, but that works for me, because I have so little writing time (as does everyone -- how many novelists don't have day jobs?) I have to be getting thousands of words out every time I schedule a 9-midnight with myself after my daughter goes to bed. Usually on Mondays. I seem to be more tolerant of flogging myself on Mondays, not sure why.
But I wouldn't do it if I didn't like it. I love it. I feel energized by it. I love thinking about what I'm going to write next. This is fun for me. Otherwise, I would never put myself through the rejection.
If you're working on a novel, take heart -- everyone feels the way you do on your darkest day sometimes.
“Everyone trusted me backthen. Good old, dependable Diana. Which is why most people didn’t notice atfirst.”
Praise for The Obvious Game:
"Lovely, evocative, painful and joyful all in one ... much like high school." -- Jenny Lawson, author of LET'S PRETEND THIS NEVER HAPPENED
“I couldn’t put down THEOBVIOUS GAME. Arens perfectly captures the hunger, pain and uncertainty ofadolescence.” -- Ann Napolitano, author of A GOOD HARD LOOK and WITHIN ARM'S REACH
"THE OBVIOUS GAME is afearless, honest, and intense look into the psychology of anorexia. Thecharacters—especially Diana--are so natural and emotionally authentic thatyou’ll find yourself yelling at the page even as you’re compelled to turnit." -- Coert Voorhees, author of LUCKY FOOLS and THE BROTHERS TORRES
"Let’s be clear aboutone thing: there’s nothing obvious about THE OBVIOUS GAME. Arens has written amoving, sometimes heart-breaking story about one girl’s attempt to control theuncontrollable. You can’t help but relate to Diana and her struggles as youdelve into this gem of a novel." -- Risa Green, author of THE SECRET SOCIETY OFTHE PINK CRYSTAL BALL
"THE OBVIOUS GAME explores the chasms between conformityand independence, faith and fear, discoveries and secrets, first times and lastchances, hunger and satisfaction. The tortured teenage experience is capturedtriumphantly within the pages of this unflinching, yet utterly relatable,novel. - Erica Rivera, author of INSATIABLE: A YOUNG MOTHER’S STRUGGLE WITHANOREXIA
Book Information:
Publisher: InkspellPublishing
Release Date: Feb 7th, 2013
ISBN: 978-0-9856562-7-0(ebook), 978-0-9856562-8-7 (Paperback)
Paperback Price: $13.99
Kindle: $4.99
To be available at all majoronline outlets: Amazon, B&N, The Book Depository
Pre-order now at InkspellPublishing Website at a special discount of 30% on both paperback andebook!
Website/blog: http://www.surrenderdorothyblog.com or http://www.ritaarens.com
Twitter: https://twitter.com/ritaarens
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/rita.arens
BlogHer: http://www.blogher.com/member/rita-arens
LinkedIn: http://www.linkedin.com/profile/view?id=4048495&trk=tab_pro
Pinterest: https://pinterest.com/ritajarens/
Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/-/e/B002KRLEHE
Goodreads: http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/1371209.Rita_Arens
And here's a short excerpt!
Prologue
1987
When we were in seventh grade,Amanda and I snuck out of her house one foggy Saturday night to meet herboyfriend, Matt. We spent more time planning our escape than we did actually conductingit.
We’d made a list while pretendingto do our homework:
Wrap flashlights with blackelectrical tape. (check)
Make fake bodies out of pillowsto hide in our sleeping bags. (check)
Booby-trap her bedroom door withstring across the threshold so we could see if her mom had tried to check onus. (check)
Assemble all-black outfits,complete with stocking caps, so we would blend in with the shadows as wewalked. (check)
Arrange the rendezvous pointahead of time with Matt: the third-grade playground at the elementary school.(check)
It wasn’t until we’d successfullyshimmied down the fence, jogged the four blocks up the street, and seen Mattsitting there alone on the seesaw that I realized I had nothing at all to dowhile they giggled and kissed. I’d been so caught up in the planning portion ofour escape that I didn’t notice how pathetic my part in it seemed.
I twirled on the swings acrossthe playground and out of view, once again pretending to be totally cool withit. The thing was, though, I wasn’t cool with it. I felt about as important asthe guy who wrote the cooking instructions for Pop-Tarts.
We probably would’ve stayed therefor hours if I hadn’t finally strode over to the jungle gym, coughing andkicking rocks as I went. Amanda poked her head out.
“What’s up, Diana?”
“Can we go soon? I forgot tobring a book.”
Her expectant smile turned sour. “Okay,”she finally said, disappearing in the darkness. “Just five more minutes.”
I wandered to the edge of theplayground, thought about turning back on my own, letting her get caught outthere by herself. But I wouldn’t. That’s what friends are for. She knew it. Iknew it.
Everyone trusted me. Good olddependable Diana. Which was why most people didn’t notice at first that I wasin trouble.
It's really happening! Huzzah! Let's bring out DJ Nibbles.
As Newtown begins the horrible process of burying the victims of the Sandy Hook shooting, I feel the need for something beautiful.
Thanks, NobleRot, for sending this link to literally, something beautiful.
Editor's Note: Before I could focus on this sponsored post, I had to write my thoughts on Newtown, tragedy and parenting on BlogHer. It seems wrong to post those raw emotions right next to a sponsored post, so I'm letting them exist separately. I hope that's the right thing to do. I committed to this post well before Friday's tragedy, and with Beloved out of work I've decided to go ahead and honor that commitment.
It's the holiday season, but you still need to buy toothpaste, right? And you might need to save money on toothpaste even more than usual this year because, hello, you had to bring a side dish to sixteen parties, contribute to eight Secret Santa or Giving Tree campaigns, give gift cards to three teachers, the mailman and your hairstylist and your kids have discovered Apple. Who doesn't love a deal? And I do in fact have a deal for you, if you choose to accept it.
Proctor & Gamble put together an estore with day-to-day shopping in mind. The store has everyday specials, such as free shipping with a $25 purchase and free samples with every purchase. And then there are some specific deals just for this campaign.The first one? You can get 15% off your first purchase from the P&G estore with this promo code: A9Z-MN5-KY3-ISA.
Goodies By Product Line
For the furry among us: You can get a Braun series 3,5 or 7 razor through 12/29 for $15 off
For your pearly whites: Oral-B rechargable toothbrushes
Mail-InRebates
- $15Oral Care - Crest, Scope, Oral-B (through 1/5/13)
- $15Oral-B Power (through 12/31)
For your softest skin:
Olay SpecialOffers (while supplies last)
-FreeOlay Regenerist MicroSculptingCream w/ $79 purchase -- promo code OLAY79
-FreeOlay ProXAdvanced Cleansing System w/ $99 purchase –- promo code OLAY99
P&GOlay eCoupons
-$5off 1 Olay Pro-X or RegeneristFacial Moisturizer (through 12/29)
-$3off 1 Olay Facial Hair Removal (through 12/29)
Olay Mail-InRebates
-$15Beauty Rebate (through 12/31)
CoverGirl SpecialOffers (while supplies last)
-FREE CoverGirl CatEye Look w/$69 purchase -– promo code CATEYE22
-FREE LashBlast 24 Hour Mascara 2/$25 purchase –- promo code LASHBLAST8
P&G CoverGirleCoupons
-$2off 1 Outlast All Day Lipcolor(through 12/29)
-$1off any CoverGirlproduct (through 12/29)
CoverGirl Mail-InRebates
-$15Beauty Rebate (through 12/31)
Gillette SpecialOffers (while supplies last)
-FREEShave Gel & Details Magazine Subscription with Stylerpurchase
-FREE Febreze Car Vent Clip with Style purchase
-FREERazor & Shave Gel + 400 PampersGifts to Grow Points with Pampers diapers purchase
P&GGillette eCoupons
-Buy1 Gillette Cartridge Refill, get $5 off ProGlideRazor (through 12/29)
-Buy1 Gillette Cartridge Refill, get $10 off a ProGlideRazor (12/30-1/26)
For your cleanest clothes:
P&GeCoupons
-$1off any TWO Tide, Downy or Bounce (through 12/29)
Because batteries and diapers apparently go together:
SpecialOffers (while supplies last)
-FREEPampers Diapers & Gifts to Grow points withbattery bundle purchase
-Duracell Sweepstakes (through 1/10/13)
-AA/AAA28 ct value packs
AND NOW FOR A PASSEL OF INDIVIDUAL PRODUCT DEALS.
Crest 3D White Whitestrips Professional Effects - 20 pouches
Crest 3D White 2-Hour Express Whitestrips - 4 Treatments
Crest 3D White Whitestrips Intensive Professional Effects 7 Count
Oral-B Professional Care SmartSeries 5000 Toothbrush
Oral-B Professional Care Rechargeable SmartSeries 4000 Toothbrush
Oral-B Professional Care Rechargeable Toothbrush 3000
Oral-B Vitality ProWhite Rechargeable Power Toothbrush
Oral-B Vitality Floss Action Rechargeable Power Toothbrush
Oral-B Vitality Dual Clean Rechargeable Power Toothbrush
Olay Professional Pro-X Advanced Cleansing System
Olay Regenerist Micro-Sculpting Cream Facial Moisturizer - 1.7 oz
Olay Regenerist Microdermabrasion - 2.2 oz & Peel System Skin Care - 2 oz
Olay Smooth Finish Facial Hair Removal Duo Kit - Fine to Medium Hair
Olay Smooth Finish Facial Hair Removal Duo Kit - Medium to Coarse Hair
CoverGirl LashBlast 24HR Mascara
CoverGirl Outlast All Day Lipcolor
Cat Eye: LashBlast Volume Mascara
Cat Eye: CoverGirl LiquilineBlast Eye Liner
Tide PODS Detergent Spring Meadow - 40 ct
Tide PODS Detergent Ocean Mist - 40 ct
Tide PODS Detergent Mystic Forest - 40 ct
Downy Unstopables In Wash Fresh Scent Booster 13.2 oz
Braun Series 7-720s Pulsonic Shaver
Braun Series 7-760cc Pulsonic Shaver System
Braun Series 7-790cc Pulsonic Shaver System
Braun Series 5-550cc Shaver System
Braun Series 5-590 Shaver System
Braun CruZer 6 High Definition Precision Trimmer
Braun CruZer 6 Face Shaver + Bonus Details Magazine
Braun CruZer 6 Beard & Head Trimmer
Gillette Styler + Bonus Details Magazine & Shave Gel
Gillette Styler + Bonus Febreze Car Vent Clip
Gillette Fusion ProGlide Manual Razor - 1 ct
BUT RITA, HOW DO I USE THE COUPONS?
Good question.
I can't take the getting dark at 4:30 thing any more. I already spend all day in my house, working from home, which never bothers me during the spring, summer and fall but makes me insane during the winter. I totally realize I have it better than most because I have large windows and natural light during my workday, and quite frankly I could go outside any time I want to, but, you know, working.
But when it gets dark five minutes after the little angel gets home from school? That totally and completely sucks, because the dark is so dark with its inky darkness that then I must shut the blinds because after two years of being on display for the entire neighborhood, we have blinds, and I don't like feeling like the world is watching me eat dinner. But then with the blinds shut, the house seems smaller, and yes, the walls maybe even are closing in on us. It doesn't take much to make me crazy between the months of November and March.
It might also be the new cats. They are awesome, but I think I'm still mourning Petunia, whose habits I understood. She would always come and sit on my lap in the evenings. She would come to bed with me and sit on my arm and purr me to sleep. Sir Buttonsworth is still affectionate, but after a week of being picked up constantly, he prefers his space. I hope in time he'll crawl onto my lap again, but for now he's avoiding the little angel's bed and anyone's lap, preferring to sit nearby on a blanket. Kizzy alternates between throwing his little body against any surface in the house and passing out snoring because he's still fighting an upper respiratory infection. No kitty comes to bed with me, and yes, I'm totally having a pity party about it, because WTF a little over a week ago I had Petunia and I didn't have to shut her in the bathroom to keep her off the table during meals.
But change is the only constant in life. I know this funk will pass, but lengthening days would help, and not having it get dark until at least six pm would help. Sometimes I think the only reason they put Christmas around the solstice is because without the little twinkling lights we would all freak the hell out the closer we got to the shortest day of the year. The way it is, we don't, because we know a few days after we get to stuff our faces with sugar plums and feed the world's economy by giving each other a bunch of stuff we don't need and probably don't even necessarily want.
Wah, blerragagaghhhhhhhhhh. Bring on the solstice.
It's just over a week until my cover reveal (those of you who signed up on the form to participate will get info soon! And if you still want to sign up, I'll put the form at the bottom of this post) on December 20th, and I've been thinking about my novel and trying to decide whether or not it's worth it to write a reader's guide for it. I myself always read them but from a writer's point of view -- what did that writer (or his or her editor or publicist or hired hack or whoever wrote the thing) think was important about the novel? But for some reason, I'm really struggling with trying to write one for myself. And I'm not sure normal people actually use them.
And I feel silly every time I try to write it. That's the truth, and that's why I'm struggling. It's like writing a bio about yourself in the third person, which I've also had to do a lot and I feel silly every single time I do that, too. It would be easier to use the royal "we."
We would like you to tell us whether or not we should persist in the writing of a reader's guide for THE OBVIOUS GAME.
It would likely not be in the novel, but I could put it here in the new THE OBVIOUS GAME section that I haven't created yet because the cover hasn't been revealed yet and also because I can't afford to hire help and haven't yet figured out how to hack Typepad advanced templates to redesign the navigation of this blog which is going to morph into an author website somehow, how, I haven't figured out yet.
WHAT SHOULD WE DO?
Last Thursday, Petunia passed away. I was planning to send the little angel to school and then pick her up and go to shelters to look for a new cat, but when she said goodbye to Petunia she was crying too hard to speak, and then so was I, and we agreed she would stay home so I could take her to shelters over lunch thanks to my extremely empathetic and understanding managers. Beloved, who had the job of taking Petunia to be put down, deferred this adventure in favor of jobhunting, because of course we need all the bad things to stop as soon as possible, and all I want for Christmas is a two-income household.
The little angel and I cried our way through the first several hours of the day. When I started crying on my co-worker during an editorial meeting, I said enough is enough. I packed up the little angel, a list of shelters and a large and small cat carrier (the small one is a bag that some cats refuse to enter) and off we went.
The first shelter was actually a vet. All four kitties were adorable and declawed, but there wasn't that pang of connection we were hoping for. The second shelter I had never heard of and none of the information on the website for the individual cats sounded very encouraging -- I like to have the "housetrained" box checked even for cats. It just makes me feel better. But when we got to the Kansas City Pet Project shelter, there was a sign outside that said "Preowned Cats," and I was encouraged.
In we went. The cat room was small and packed with floor-to-ceiling cages and another big cage in the middle. I was overwhelmed. I started chatting with the cat ladies, who were beyond awesome, and wandering around the room opening cages and searching for our cat, all the while holding back tears because I didn't want a new cat, I wanted PETUNIA.
Until I saw him. Sir Charles Buttonsworth. A sixteen-pound Manx with facial markings that look like a mustache. Who is allergic to seafood.
Sir Charles Buttonsworth
Against my better judgment, I hefted Sir Buttonsworth out of his cage. (There is no picking him up, there is only hefting him.) He turned his head to look at me. His face is long and he always looks sad, even when he is purring his ass off, which is all the time, because nothing bothers this cat. I carried him around the cat room, trying to interest the little angel in him, but she was looking at all the cute, perky, kitten-like and infinitely more sensible cats.
I talked to the cat lady. Sir Buttonsworth is declawed. But he needs special food. And clumping litter, because the last person who adopted him brought him back because he pooped outside the box without clumping litter. And because he was farting, probably because he was eating seafood. And by the way, Sir Buttonsworth takes shits like a human, just so you know.
And they weren't exactly sure how old he was.
I knew I was going to go all Island of Misfit Cats and adopt him. So I deferred from The Plan, which was to get only one cat -- unless we found two that had to be adopted out together -- and asked if the cat ladies through Sir Buttonsworth would be okay with a friend.
"If you're looking for a declawed cat, you might like Kismet," she said, and pulled out an overgrown kitten with huge eyes who always looks surprised.
Kismet, who has become Kizzy, because he's spazzy and not because of Roots
Kismet snuggled up immediately in the little angel's arms and is only 20 months old. Would they get along? The cat ladies were so excited someone might be taking Buttonsworth that they immediately put us in the break room with Sir Buttonsworth and Kizzy. They pretty much ignored each other and hung out. I asked lots of questions about what might happened if they started attacking each other and was assured they would work with me if that happened.
I thought about it for approximately 30 seconds. Kizzy was the insurance policy against an overweight and maybe middle-aged Manx with digestive problems that I could not leave behind. And also very cute. And also more the personality the little angel really wanted -- a pet who would play with her.
Every decision this time was made with the little angel in mind. I know she always wished for a closer relationship with Petunia, who really preferred quieter adults. With all the neighbor kids and friends in our house all the time, I really wanted a cat who would not freak if a strange child reached for its face.
So we waited forever for Kizzy to be chipped and Sir Buttonsworth's food type to be documented. Then we stuffed the cats in the two carriers and headed out to Vicki the convertible. We just barely fit the big carrier in the backseat.
As we drove away, I realized I had to go buy the special food before we went home, as well as another litter box. The cats were not happy. They made pathetic meowing sounds all the way to Petsmart, and I saw my hands shaking on the steering wheel and realized my blood sugar was tanking out since I hadn't eaten all day. And we had ten minutes before my next conference call.
We jogged around Petsmart looking for this special food, which the shelter thought didn't require a prescription but both required a prescription yet didn't exist on the Petsmart shelves. I bought the litter boxes and litter, called my vet to see if they carried Science Diet, and hurtled my way back to the car to hop on my conference call.
At this point, we'd been driving around for about 30 minutes and were 15 minutes from the vet.
I was making good on the conference call, having looked at the comps while waiting at the shelter, and I was totally congratulating myself on my multi-tasking and imagining all the food I would eat when I got home when I recognized the unmistakable smell of cat shit wafting from my backseat.
I muted my phone.
"Did someone ... poop?" I asked.
The little angel just pointed at Sir Buttonsworth's cage, her face a mask of shock.
I felt the stress of the day quadruple. I was driving around the greater Kansas City metro during the workday and during a conference call with a child who should be in school and two strange cats, one of which had just shit in his carrier.
I hung up the phone, rolled down the windows, and stepped on the gas.
When we got to the vet, I told the little angel to stay in the car with Kismet while I tried to get the food and get the poop out of Sir Buttonsworth's cage.
As I was trying to explain all this to the receptionist at the vet, she told me Science Diet B/D doesn't exist for cats.
I lost my mind. Tears were pouring down my face, and I was telling her about the poop, and she told me I would need a prescription but the vet would have to see the cat for that and then I was mumbling about my husband being unemployed and money being tight and Petunia being put down at this very vet this morning and how I hadn't eaten yet and my daughter was in the car with yet another cat and this kind vet came out of the back and told me new cat visits were free and please come in the room and she'd take care of the poop. So I went and got the little angel and Kizzy and we went in the room and let the cats out and then I started worrying they would hate each other but they didn't and the receptionist came and took away the poop and hosed out the carrier and someone else told me there was free biscotti in the front by the coffee.
And I texted my editor that my new cat shit in the car, because I'd just bailed out of a conference call with no explanation. And bless Julie's soul, that is enough of an explanation for her.
So the cats checked out, and the vet called the shelter, and we think we have the right kind of food (though I don't know, because Sir Buttonsworth has yacked five times in the past two days and the shelter is closed today).
So finally we got the cats back in the car and home and Beloved told me I was fired for bringing home two unrelated cats, but it's okay because he has since fallen in love with both of them, even Kizzy who keeps climbing the bookcases and who has a terrible cold and needs to go back to the shelter vet tomorrow because if he sneezes in my face again I will stick him outside for the squirrels.
But I love him.
So I made some soup and went back to work and managed to pull off a few more things and my managers were so great and everyone wanted to see pictures because they know how much I loved Petunia and how incredibly stressful losing a cat is normally and then on top of a really stressful holiday season with everything that's gone on and I might have a teensy tiny problem with anxiety in the first place.
That night, the little angel went to bed with not one but two cats on her bed and woke up with Kizzy on her pillow, and she is over the moon with these cats. And even though we still have to work out the transition and the sneezing the barfing, I am, too, even though if I let myself look at Petunia's chair I am still sad.
But as the days pass and the boys get more comfortable here, I know I will grow to love them dearly, too, and it feels very good to have let not one but two cats win the Holiday Cat Lottery to come live at Chateau Travolta with Beloved, the little angel, me, Charlie and Sebastian the hermit crabs and Simon the fish. And we pray at night that Petunia is easing into her new apartment in cat heaven with a full box of mouse popsicles and Bella and Sybil down the hall.
PS: The vet must think I am INSANE.