Today is Violet’s 4th birthday and I’m finding myself rather emotional. Her pregnancy was unexpected, the 58 hour labor remains vivid in my mind, the ride over the last 4 years has been crazy, and each exasperating moment with Vivy inevitably is counterbalanced by a sweet or hilarious one. I’ve also learned some things the second time around, and I’m grateful for the lessons, which I want to share with you today as part of the Lessons Learned series.

1. Don’t let pride get in the way of accepting (or asking for) help. Why was it so hard for us to accept or ask for help? While I’m certainly mindful not to take advantage, I’ve let go of any deferential pride issues in this department!

2. Individual differences are just as they should be. Parenting Violet has been a completely different ballgame than parenting Laurel. At first, it freaked me out, but I now know that their differences are just as they should be.

3. Having another kid helps your older kid(s) spread their wings. By necessity, we have needed to encourage Laurel towards more independence. It was a tough shift; after all, she was the focus of our attention for 6.5 years, but I know it has helped her grow immensely. She is so confident and capable now; it’s a joy to watch her tackle new challenges and help around the house.

4. Every decision impacts the family system. Whether it’s decisions about my travel, Jon’s client load, Laurel’s extracurriculars, or Vi’s playdates, every decision impacts the family system and we need to make choices accordingly. It’s really helped me evaluate my choices in a less (admittedly) self-centered way.

5. No is more important than ever. If you’ve read Minimalist Parenting you know I’m a big fan of people learning to say no. And it’s more important than ever as your family grows. There will always be more opportunities; don’t fear no!

6. Store-bought is totally fine. I do love baking from scratch, but, well, TIME. I’ve realized store-bought is totally fine, and in fact, when Vi asked for munchkins for her school birthday treat, I was relieved, given my workload this week. Best $7.99 I ever spent.

7. Letting your kids work it out is a gift. I have a low patience threshold when it comes to sibling squabbling. I quickly realized that whenever I tell Laurel and Violet to go work it out, I’m gifting them with practice in conflict resolution.

8. Reading together is still really, really important. Both of my girls love books and come to think of it, it’s really one of the few quiet, totally focused things we do together. I read a lot with Vi (she’s very forthright and will dump a pile of books in my lap) and I’ve also started reading with Laurel again. It does wonders for both of their moods.

9. Relationships matter more than ever. Whether it’s your spouse, immediate family, or friends, nurture your relationships. Go on a date. Go out for a meal (you do, after all, need to eat). Call someone on the phone. Nurturing your relationships will make you a happier parent. Trust me.

10. Your kids want you to do less. Ultimately, your kids want you and your undivided attention, not all the fancy trappings you’re trying to create for them (well intentioned as they are). It’s a win-win for everyone. JUST DO LESS. Vi and Laurel both are happier when we’re just hanging out together, and my phone has been stored accordingly.

Image credits: Christine Koh

I have a bit of an emotional narrative around water, both from my teen years and also as a parent. And these experiences have reinforced my belief that swimming is a life skill (not an optional extracurricular). Through an editorial partnership with the JCC’s Lenny Krayzelburg Swim Academy, I was intrigued to learn more about survival-based swim programs. Read on for my Q & A with director Korrinn Lubarsky (who can be seen in the photo below, teaching her 3-month-old daughter Harper to float on her back).

1. How do survival-based swim programs differ from regular swim classes?

With traditional swim lessons, the approach is an introduction to water (e.g., singing songs, getting your child comfortable in a larger body of water than their infant tub at home). With survival-based swimming programs, the approach focuses on water safety and not only teaches children how to swim, but what to do if they fall into the water.  

2. What do kids learn in survival-based swim classes?

Survival tests are used where children are gently tossed into the water fully clothed. The theory behind keeping children’s clothing on is because statistics show that children who fall in the water are typically clothed. They are taught to respond appropriately based on their experience level to show they can save themselves. Swimmers are taught to roll over onto their back, called a survival float. This is essential because if you fall into the water, the first instinct of rolling onto your back and floating so you can breathe is critical to survival.  Survival tests provide parents and children with the confidence of knowing their child knows how to save themselves in the water.

3. Does this approach scare kids?

Children can be a bit nervous when they first start their lessons. This is a new environment for most kids and they are learning to be comfortable in the water and with their instructor. We build upon the survival float from the start of the first lesson. Some children are still frightened, yes. However, each week we build confidence and slowly reduce a child’s apprehension. Some children do not pass their survival tests when it comes time to take it, and that is OK! Whenever you start a new skill, it takes time, practice and consistency to excel at it.

4. How early can you start teaching survival-based swimming?

Kids can start survival-based swimming programs as early as three months old. Some parents think they should hold off on swimming until their child is a little older because they don’t think they will learn much at that young age. They say, “How much can babies really learn when they are three months old?” You would be surprised! Little ones will start by getting used to being in the water and learning to float.

5. Why is it important to consider a survival-based swimming program?

Being a certified instructor for over 15 years, I have been exposed to and taught many different approaches to swimming. I grew up learning the traditional method and there is nothing wrong with that! However, back then, drowning statistics were not as alarming as they are today. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, drowning is the leading cause of death for young children ages 1 to 4, and one of the leading causes of death for children under the age of 13.  Since drowning statistics have been on the rise, it makes it more imperative for children to learn what to do in the water.

6. If my child already knows the basics of swimming (crawl, treading water), should they take a survival-based swimming program or focus on stroke improvement?

Most survival-based swimming programs have stroke improvement and development wrapped into the curriculum. The curriculum is usually a structured and detailed sequence of building upon each skill. Even though you will be mastering all four swimming strokes, the water safety component is still evident with different drills and skills being tested. The goal is to create water-safe children and proficiently sound swimmers.

For more information about survival swimming programs in your area, contact director Korrinn Lubarsky at the Lenny Krayzelburg Swim Academy at the Leventhal-Sidman Jewish Community Center in Newton at lksainfo@jccgb.org. Also, on Sunday, March 22, enjoy a free wellness expo including interactive exhibits and demonstrations for kids and adults at the Leventhal-Sidman Jewish Community Center (333 Nahanton Street) in Newton!

Disclosure: This post reflects a sponsored editorial partnership with the JCC  Lenny Krayzelburg Swim Academy. Image credits: 1) LKSA at the JCC; 2) Korrinn Lubarsky

Happy Monday, I hope you had a great weekend! We enjoyed a short day trip to see family, and also saw the new Cinderella movie. Aside from my (expected!) feminist objections, the movie was visually stunning, I liked the messages about courage and kindness, and it made for a perfect rainy day outing with the girls. Now, let's get the week rolling! Enjoy this roundup of fun events via the Weekly Blueprint!

March 16 + 17: Celebrate St. Patrick’s Day at Faneuil Hall Marketplace. (Boston)

March 17: Chemistry gets green for St. Patrick’s Day. (Acton)

March 17: Arts, crafts and a little leprechaun magic. (Easton)

March 17: Pitch in on afternoon chores on the farm. (Lincoln)

March 18: Celebrate Brain Awareness week. (Acton)

March 18: Food for Thought Film Series: Cave of Forgotten Dreams. (Harvard)

March 18: Even grown ups like the play with Legos. (Somerville)

March 19 - 22: Travel the world with shadows, stories and songs. (Brookline)

March 20: Live interactive performance with musicians from the radio show From the Top. (Boston)

March 20: A teddy bear tea. (Concord)

March 20: Spring brings bread and bunnies. (Lincoln)

Image credit: Just a Taste via Pinterest

Happy Saturday everyone, I hope you're enjoying a great weekend! If you're looking for something to do this weekend, be sure to check out yesterday's Weekend Roundup; there are lots of St. Patrick's Day and Pi Day related activities, in addition to other programming. Meanwhile, if you're looking for some interesting reads, here's what caught my eye on the web this week for Hey Internet, Keep Being Awesome. Enjoy!

- Mother and child are linked at the cellular level.

- Giant chunks of ice wash ashore on Cape Cod.

- How to drive across the United States and hit all the major landmarks.

- Brides throwing cats apparently is a thing.

- The best present ever for parents of a newborn.

- Parenting a tween: an exercise in presence.

- On being read as white.

- Derek Zoolander and Hansel hit the runway. #epic

- What turned a promising chef into a bank robber?

- Dogs believe in karma too.

- The greatest (party) generation.

Image credit: how to make words out of wire via Pinterest

One of my favorite things about working as a creative is the joy and pride I feel when fellow creatives come up with something super awesome. Such is the case with my designer friends Melanie Burk and Alma Loveland and their new baby, Woven Pear. When Woven Pear launched, I immediately ordered several pairs of narwahl socks (because, NARWAHLS!) and have since acquired several more pairs.

Melanie and Alma are incredibly talented graphic designers -- they offer beautiful digital downloadable products at Caravan Shoppe -- so it’s no surprise their sock designs are cheerful and stylish. And the sock quality is awesome -- super comfy and they have held up well with repeated laundering. Go on and support some independent women designers and treat your feet well with these lovely socks!

Image credits: Woven Pear

Happy Friday everyone, I hope you're having a great week! I've pretty much been a ball of nostalgia given that Violet's birthday is next week (how is it possible that she's turning 4?) and we went to the second of Laurel's middle school open houses last night. Total, inevitable craziness! Anyway, let's move on to thinking about the weekend, shall we? Enjoy this mega roundup of 32 events, lovingly curated for your consideration!

1. A fitting celebration for 3.14. (Acton)

2. Children’s performance of Hairspray: The Musical. (Arlington)

3. Two funny puppet shows. (Arlington)

4. Flowers are blooming in Boston. (Boston)

5. Children’s art discovery workshop. (Boston)

6. Join the musical adventures of Flat Stanley. (Boston)

7. Time for a parade in Southie. (Boston)

8. Circles rule on Pi Day. (Boston)

9. The animals have some fun for St. Patrick’s Day. (Boston)

10. Make your own flipbooks. (Boston)

11. All things Irish for St. Patrick’s Day. (Boston)

12. Opportunity for children with special needs to visit the museum. (Boston)

13. Rumplestiltskin puppet show. (Brookline)

14. Showing of Fantastic Mr. Fox. (Brookline)

15. A St. Patrick’s Day Celtic sojourn. (Cambridge)

16. A festival of owls. (Canton)

17. FREE drop-in arts and crafts workshop. (Concord)

18. Field to Lunchbox: Creative Solutions for Lunchbox Boredom. (Dover)

19. Learn more about birds of prey. (Harvard)

20. Spring may seem far away but it’s time for maple sugaring. (Ipswich)

21. Pi Day takes shape on Crane Beach. (Ipswich)

22. A little bit of Irish deliciousness. (Lexington)

23. Fill your weekend with art and family. (Lincoln)

24. A sap-to-syrup farmer’s breakfast. (Lincoln)

25. Don’t hibernate. Get out and celebrate winter. (Lowell)

26. Savor some winter delectables. (Sharon)

27. Test your skills at Ninjango training camp. (Somerville)

28. A Celtic celebration. (Sturbridge)

29. Maple Days continue. (Sturbridge)

30. A little bit of Ireland. (Waltham)

31. Ben Rudnick show. (Winchester)

32. The ultimate Pi day celebration. (Worcester)

Image credit: Ipswich Visitor Center

Yesterday, Kizzy took the last of his Prednizone. It's been almost a month since he almost died again, and it seems like we got another reprieve.

He's on a new kind of even more ridiculously expensive prescription cat food. This one is supposed to also help with stress, as stress apparently increases the chance he'll get blocked. Beloved and I avoid talking about a relapse even as we watch his litter box like parents of a newborn watch diapers.

We made a barely spoken agreement that if the little black cat makes it a year without a blockage, he gets a medical expenses reset button even though he is working on being our most expensive cat to date, and that is saying something after adopting a Manx with megacolon.

The hair is growing back on his front legs where they shaved him to put in IVs. He begs to be taken outside on his harness every morning the minute the birds start singing. He spends his afternoons, when it is nice, lying in the sun in his playpen outside.

It is so hard not to worry constantly about him, since getting blocked is a) something that comes on suddenly with absolutely no warning and b) not something I can control, other than giving him the prescription food and nothing but the prescription food. Oddly, it gives me comfort to remind myself I could die tomorrow, too, and all we can do is enjoy the purring, velvety bundle of fur in my lap every night.

What we have is today.

Today’s Lessons Learned essay comes from Brittni, a dancer and visual artist from Grafton, MA. Brittni also works with preschoolers and in this moving essay, she shares lessons she has learned both from working with preschoolers and self-identifying as a highly sensitive child. And goodness, this piece definitely resonates with me, given that parenting my fiery sensitive Violet has taught me so much.

Dear Grown-ups,

First of all, thank you. Thank you for trying so hard. I know I am a handful. I know I am confusing. I know that sometimes I make you want to pull your hair out. I am not your average child and so most of the techniques and habits used successfully with other children do not apply to me. So please allow me to supply you with a few tips that will make both of our lives a little easier:

1. I apologize for my seemingly unexplained tantrums. I feel so much love, fear, wonder, anxiety, joy, frustration...It is often too much for my little heart to handle and I have to let it all out. I have yet to develop coping strategies or ways to express my intense feelings, so I resort to long, loud, and tearful meltdowns that probably make you feel quite helpless. Please try to be patient with me. I am just as confused as you are during these episodes. Long loving hugs and a soothing voice will bring me out of my object-throwing ear-splitting drama-fests.

2. It means the world to me when you validate my concerns. I do realize I have more concerns than the average child, but if you can make an effort to acknowledge them and make me feel understood, we are likely to skip right over a potential hurricane meltdown (see above).

3. Raising your voice three octaves just to speak to me is not necessary; I can hear you just fine at a normal pitch. Also, a little space please. Do you bring your face within centimeters of your fellow adults’ faces when asking them a question? I certainly hope not because it would probably make them feel just as claustrophobic and invaded as it makes me feel.

4. Please stop calling me shy. The more you call me “too shy” or “too quiet” the shyer and quieter I become. You express concern that I never talk, but when I do talk you look at me like I just performed a stunt, which makes me feel very self-conscious. I will talk when I want to talk, but mostly -- for now -- I just like to listen.

5. Please do not force me to do an activity that I don’t want to do. Picking me up and putting me on the swing against my will on the preschool playground, or telling me I must sing with the rest of the group makes me feel utterly powerless. I will do things on my own time. When I am ready, I will hoist myself onto the swing by myself thank you very much. And I will sing with the group once I have memorized all of the words in the song; that's just the way I operate.

6. Disciplining me with a loud voice, angry eyes, and assertive body language is overkill. When I have done something wrong, I know even before you say anything because I am so very sensitive to your mood and body language. When you are disappointed, I am flooded with guilt and have therefore been sufficiently punished. A few words explaining why what I did was wrong, or even just a moment of meaningful eye contact is often all it takes.

7. Let me create. All I need is a box of crayons and some paper and I am golden for the rest of the afternoon. I am at my happiest when given the freedom to explore my creativity.

8. Finally, I will always be this sensitive. I will always feel everything intensely and I will always be a handful to both myself and to my loved ones. My saving grace is that empathy, creativity, and compassion are traits that tend to come with being highly sensitive. So if you can hang in there and be patient with me now, I will try my best to return your efforts as I get a little older.

Sincerely,

A very small person in a very big world

Do you want to submit a Lessons Learned essay? See submission guidelines here.

Image credits: Christine Koh

Oh this weather has my brain geared towards GREEN! The temperature conjures images of new growth, just yesterday I saw fake grass peeking out from under a melting snow pile, and St. Patrick's Day (Vi's due date) is coming! For the next installment of Style on a Budget, I want to inspire you to infuse a little color into your wardrobe. Vibrant color can be daunting (it used to be for me!) but these picks allow for a range of experimentation.

Note: as I mentioned when I started this column, Style on a Budget represents both awesome bargain finds and also higher price point items worth budgeting for. Below you’ll see a range of prices with accompanying explanations.

1. This green ombre scarf ($14.95 at Catalog Favorites) would make a light and airy spring pick.

2. Studs are one of my accessories workhorses and what more do I need to say about these crazy amazing lawn party snail studs ($48 at Kate Spade)?

3. I love a loose billowy top (paired with leggings or skinny jeans) and this deva printed henley ($108 at Anthropologie) is more of an investment but would give you extra mileage given that you can dress it up for work or down when you’re off the clock.

4. Want to take baby steps into the world of green? Try these glitter knit socks ($5.95 at H&M).

5. It’s definitely worth investing in neutral workhorse bags (I have a few Kate Spades that anchor my bag collection) but if you’d like to experiment with color, this faux leather crossbody bag ($24.94 at Old Navy) is a cute pick.

6. As many of you know, I’m a big fan of necklaces as an easy way to lift an outfit. This emerald green collar necklace ($13.90 at Shamelessly Sparkly) is crazy affordable.

7. When it comes to shoes, I will never, ever encourage you to buy cheap shoes. I’ve simply developed too many foot woes over the years from cheap shoes! Tieks are definitely an investment but they are worth it, and they are wondrous with color, such as these clover green Tieks ($175).

8. One of my favorites pairs of jeans is a pair of kelly green skinnies I bought at J. Crew a few years ago. Seriously, try a pair of brightly colored pants, such as these vibrant Tomkins skinny jeans (on sale for $64 at Ralph Lauren). They will make you instantly happy!

9. This striped jade skirt ($148 at Anthropologie) is definitely more of an investment piece and it’s just so stunning.

10. This flutter-sleeve top (on sale for $59.50 at J. Crew Factory) will look equally cute paired with a pencil skirt, trim pants, or a pair of your favorite jeans.

Image credits: all images sourced via links above